I just didn't get it: A working parent's apology.
I just didn't get it.
What you see here is a picture of me approximately 12 hours after going into labor with my twins.
12 hours after my water broke while I was on a conference call.
36 hours after presenting plans to our board—explaining how everything would proceed while I was on maternity leave.
I sat there, sending the last few emails detailing my meticulously planned transition.
But what I couldn't plan for—and what I don't think anyone truly can understand until they've experienced it, is the profound impact children have on your identity as a working professional.
I'm not proud to admit that for most of my career, I just didn't get it.
My teams were full of mothers, and outwardly, I always did "the right thing"—giving them flexibility to come in late or work from home, celebrating their children's milestones, and inquiring about their families.
But then, I returned to work after maternity leave.
Sitting through 2.5-hour meetings without breaks, embarrassed to excuse myself to pump in a room full of men
Needing to arrange childcare while my colleagues had partners who could easily cover
Having a senior leader tell me, "It must be fantastic to have two working parents. You must be so rich!" without considering the complexity and expense of maintaining two demanding careers while raising children
Missing the real conversations that shaped the company's direction—which happened before 8 AM or after 5 PM (honestly, after 6 or 7)—times when most working mothers can't be present
Being let go from my role less than six months after returning from maternity leave—trying to balance the contradiction of being told what a "magical time" this was for me, yet the longer I was away, the more my position was in jeopardy
Becoming a parent made me recognize that I carried an unconscious (and perhaps conscious) bias against working mothers. I hired them, but I don't know if I believed they could "rise to the top."
I didn't create an environment where that was possible because I hadn't evolved enough as a leader to understand how to support them properly.
I regret that.
And let me be clear: this bias isn't just a "men's issue."
It's perpetuated by well-meaning, progressive women too—women like me. The harshest critics of working mothers are often other women who have either chosen a different path or struggled through without support themselves.
Here's what I wish I could have had:
Meetings should be scheduled during core hours (10 AM-3 PM), and time limits should be stuck to in order to ensure that everyone can participate in crucial conversations regardless of family commitments.
Genuine psychological safety around family needs. When leaders openly reschedule for their children's events or take parental leave without apology, it signals that family commitments are respected, not just tolerated.
Focus on outcomes, not hours. The most valuable metric isn't time spent in the office, but the quality and impact of the work. This shift enables parents to integrate work with family responsibilities without sacrificing excellence.
To other leaders, especially women: Consider what you are doing to support your teams and help everyone thrive.
We can lift others in ways we weren't lifted ourselves.